Does anyone have the answer to this? I doubt it unfortunately! I find myself on my 7th attempt at quitting smoking and the familiar feelings are steadily coming back! The feelings I had last time were as follows! Please note they are in no particular order:
1. Optimism, yes I can do this. Once I have stubbed out this cigarette it will be my last and as I look at the burning tobacco, I pledge that I no longer need these filthy things in my life.
2. First few hours pass. Yes look at me I am doing so well. I feel just like last time. Full of courage and respect for myself for doing this.
3. Feeling like I'm missing out on something. Look at all those smokers out there, enjoying their cigarette and enjoying the ignorance of what is to come. They are blocking out the torture of what could become of them. Ignorance is bliss.
4. Question myself and feel down. Why am I torturing myself? As I have heard many people say "you only live once". What is the point of living my life for longer if I am miserable. But of course the only reason I feel miserable is because the little nicotine monster inside my head is willing me to have a puff. Shall I? No! Shall I? No! And so on.
5. Misery. God I am so fed up. I disgust myself. I hate that I am feeling like this. The internal monologue of wanting and arguing to myself about smoking.
6. More misery. Why can't I be a happy non smoker? Even when it has been either two days or two months...everything is CRAP!
7. Hate. I hate myself for feeling like this. I have done plenty of reading on the effects of quitting and there is a reason why I am having all of these negative thoughts it is just the nicotine monster again, doing everything it can to make me have some. Trouble is I am tired of this now and I can't be bothered with feeling so crap so I may just give in........ I feel really down about myself. No vice for me. I don't drink alcohol....or smoke anymore...or do any drugs....or partake in anything weird... my life is so boring and I am fed up with it......
AND IT IS AT THIS MOMENT IN MY THOUGHT PROCESS... EVERY TIME... I go and buy my brand of smokes and light up. I feel gutted with myself/ashamed/lost and upset. But deep down I know that something has been satisfied. But it will not be satisfied for long...so I light up another one... and so on!
If anyone else is going through the same thing... I hope you do better than me or should I say better than my previous 6 attempts. Could this be lucky 7 for me? Who knows, because so far I have experienced all of 1-5 points mentioned above ha.
Laters
x
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