How to stop smoking successfully!

Does anyone have the answer to this? I doubt it unfortunately! I find myself on my 7th attempt at quitting smoking and the familiar feelings are steadily coming back! The feelings I had last time were as follows! Please note they are in no particular order:
1. Optimism, yes I can do this. Once I have stubbed out this cigarette it will be my last and as I look at the burning tobacco, I pledge that I no longer need these filthy things in my life.
2. First few hours pass. Yes look at me I am doing so well. I feel just like last time. Full of courage and respect for myself for doing this.
3. Feeling like I'm missing out on something. Look at all those smokers out there, enjoying their cigarette and enjoying the ignorance of what is to come. They are blocking out the torture of what could become of them. Ignorance is bliss.
4. Question myself and feel down. Why am I torturing myself? As I have heard many people say "you only live once". What is the point of living my life for longer if I am miserable. But of course the only reason I feel miserable is because the little nicotine monster inside my head is willing me to have a puff. Shall I? No! Shall I? No! And so on.
5. Misery. God I am so fed up. I disgust myself. I hate that I am feeling like this. The internal monologue of wanting and arguing to myself about smoking.
6. More misery. Why can't I be a happy non smoker? Even when it has been either two days or two months...everything is CRAP!
7. Hate. I hate myself for feeling like this. I have done plenty of reading on the effects of quitting and there is a reason why I am having all of these negative thoughts it is just the nicotine monster again, doing everything it can to make me have some. Trouble is I am tired of this now and I can't be bothered with feeling so crap so I may just give in........ I feel really down about myself. No vice for me. I don't drink alcohol....or smoke anymore...or do any drugs....or partake in anything weird... my life is so boring and I am fed up with it......
AND IT IS AT THIS MOMENT IN MY THOUGHT PROCESS... EVERY TIME... I go and buy my brand of smokes and light up. I feel gutted with myself/ashamed/lost and upset. But deep down I know that something has been satisfied. But it will not be satisfied for long...so I light up another one... and so on!
If anyone else is going through the same thing... I hope you do better than me or should I say better than my previous 6 attempts. Could this be lucky 7 for me? Who knows, because so far I have experienced all of 1-5 points mentioned above ha.
Laters
x

Macbeth Performance Cabot Tower, Bristol, ...Check out the high Viz fashion!

Macbeth.... and the rain did pour!

Well, the performance of Macbeth in an open air theatre was a great experience and I would definitely recommend going to see performances in the open space. No matter what the production is! The performance was set on Brandon Hill/ Cabot Tower in Bristol City. And what a perforce spot it was! I really enjoyed how the natural light of the outdoors contributed to the atmosphere of the play. Obviously, the atmosphere needed for  play varies but this was perfect for Macbeth. At one point, when the weird sisters are foretelling the fate of Macbeth, the heavens opened and the rain poured down onto he audience. It was amazing! Yes, I got very wet; but it felt personal to the character of Macbeth. He was also saturated from the rain and it felt like a slight metaphor for how he was feeling. Towards the end of the production the natural light had turn to darkness, the 6 theatre lights were just enough to light the characters on stage (while still contributing to the atmosphere required for the performance. I seriously do not know how they did not electrocute the performers because of the rain). The lighting was like a mirror image to the mental darkness experienced by Macbeth and Lady Macbeth. When it became evident that Lady macbeth was losing her mind, for example her famous speech "out dammed spot...who would have thought the old man would have so much blood in him", bats actually started to fly around the audience. It was an eerie and yet perfect accompaniment to the action taking place. The castle almost became alive with eerie creatures, while the inhabitants became destroyed by their actions within the very walls of the castle.

Anyway, I shall look forward to my next open aired performance, whatever that will be. I felt the experience was amazing and would recommend anyone to go...take your favourite packet of crisps to chow down on....don't forget your high viz mac... and go and enjoy!!

Bristol and Tobacco Factory..excited much?

Hola! I am going to Bristol tomorrow to celebrate my 31st birthday (shhhhh I know I don't look it *cough*) and I am going to see an all male production of Macbeth in an open aired performance space. I can not wait! I am sure it will rain but it's all good because my dad has given me some high vis macs! The standard of fashion will be to die for! Pardon the pun Lady Macbeth. The person who has made this possible is my silver haired boyfriend of 11 years...he is taking me on a journey to when I studied Drama at UWE many years ago. This will be the first time I have been back to Bristol since 8 years ago. Bristol is the place I have many fond memories of and I would say has been some of the best years of my life. I am very excited to go back and walk down memory lane..and perhaps make new memories while I am there. I will be taking lots of pictures on my camera and compare the view from 8 years ago...I do hope Mr Fafal King is there selling his wrap sandwiches by the fountain area! But more importantly I hope Boston Tea is still there on Park Street. I loves that place. Always a friendly smile and me and my boyfriend spent many Sunday afternoons enjoying our favourite drink while wishing we had more time together before he had to travel up the motorway back to his life in Yorkshire. Pics to follow! Laters!